Pain is a funny thing, in a painful way I guess.
Since the operation I cannot tolerate pain, and as I don't use pain killers it means I am in...pain.
On my few last hours in New York I managed to smash my fingers under the massive door of Tz`s flat. I couldn't feel anything just this wild scream in my head and the burning of the scar as if I am being cut once again.
On Friday I burnt my hand (for a good cause - the chicken was delicious), and again -I felt the scar burning. I am fully aware to the fact it does seem a bit Harry Potterish, thanks for pointing out.
As if the braintransmitters are reprogrammed, any pain they recognize is translated as life threatening danger, and the brain research for the last time life was on stake, and when it finds the op, June 18th - it all clicks, bingo. the scar burns.
My Greenberg Method instructor said I am learning to live with pain. I have to realize any animal that will go through that kind of procedure would die. The body is under trauma. I feel what she is saying. Any level of pain is exaggerated, I am becoming a grumpy young women. Complaining and being miserable and tired. it all equally extremely hurts for no real reason. The burn on my hand, PMS, A crashed finger, Waxing my eye brows.
I an trying to take it easy, I am repeatedly being reminded it takestime, a whole year. More then anything else to forgive my body. To be in peace with in myself. I have a lot to forgive, a lot to forget. But the body remembers. And it also has to forgive me and forget.
I wonder what it needs now: A diet to put it back into routine, or that will be interputered as athreat? Maybe something gentle comfort. Long walks, long baths and time to heal? But I want to start a diet. How can I convince my body to join me?
Deep breathing is the only answer, as I slowly learn.
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